Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
