I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
