Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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