one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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