You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
