The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
