took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
