sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
