Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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