Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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