Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
