I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
