Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
