Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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