My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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