Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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