I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We had sex on a dog bed..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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