grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
