Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
