There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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