i think i have two assholes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
