Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
