Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
