I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
