Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
