if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
