Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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