I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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