Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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