But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
