I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
