Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
