I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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