dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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