No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
