hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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