What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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