If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
