just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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