I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am available for nakedness
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
