i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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