So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
