went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So much rum. So many feels.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
