He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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