Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My feet surprised me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
