Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
