We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
