do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
