i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
