He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
