living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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