I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
