grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
