his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
