i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
