Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
